First Things First

Before you leave home

A few things you need to know about before you have your first croissant:

Money? No problem. You realize your ATM card will work in the cash machines here, right? You'll get euros right out of your bank account, deducted at the day's official exchange rate (plus whatever annoying service charge your blood-sucking bank charges). There are ATM machines in the airport, so you can avoid changing money with those vultures who charge outrageous fees. (BTW, it's not a bad idea to tell your bank you're going to be in Europe—a friend once had his card shut down because his overly cautious bank was worried about unusual transactions appearing on his account.) Don't panic if your card doesn't work in a given machine: sometimes the machines are picky. Don't panic. Remove it and try another machine. Bank machines are everywhere in Paris.
Make a photocopy of your passport and keep it with you.
Remember that Western Europe uses 220 volt electricity—if you must bring small appliances with you, get an adaptor, and remember to get the prongs that will fit French outlets (ask at Radio Shack or some such place). Your laptop will most likely adapt by itself, but you'll still need the prongs to fit over the plug so that it will fit in the outlets. You can get these in Radio Shack or similar stores.
Make a photocopy of your passport and keep it someplace with you where you don't keep your passport. Better yet, scan the appropriate pages of your passport, and then email the image to yourself. That way, you can access the information, including your passport photo, anywhere in the world (cool idea, huh?). (However, you should recognize that although it's very unlikely, someone could intercept the email scan of your passport, just as someone could get the number of your passport by looking over your shoulder at customs.)
Remember to get your shots (just kidding: where do you think you're going, anyway?)

When you land in Paris, even before you get on the RER to get into the city (see below), go to a kiosk (news shop) in the airport and buy

(1) a télécarte, which will allow you to make phone calls not only from public phone booths, but also from any phone in the city. Simply ask for a "télécarte" and if the salesperson asks you whether you want it "avec code," say yes (Or, if they ask if it's for calling internationally or France only, say internationally [à l'étranger]—this allows you to call a toll-free number, punch in a code, and then call whomever you want. That way you can use the card anywhere, not just in phone booths.) They might also ask whether you want "petite" (about 7.50 €) or "grande" (about 15 €). With the other (non-code) variety of card, increasingly rare, you stick a card with a magnetic strip directly into the pay phone, but for obvious reasons you can’t use these on private lines in, say, someone’s house You can call anywhere in France or E GrandParis urope with Atlas these cards, or, indeed, anyplace in the world, and it's really, really cheap. If you spent the whole 7 euros 50 on a call to the US, you could talk for over 2 hours.

(2) a plan de Paris par arrondissement. This is a little book (two different kinds shown here) that has maps of every neighborhood in Paris, and an index that will allow you to locate any street or square in the city (and there are something like 5000 different streets, so it could come in handy). There’s a reason this thing is published by a firm called "Editions L’Indispensable": you just gotta have one of these.

Pariscope

There's also this great little publication called "Pariscope," which you absolutely have to have. It comes out once a week, on Wednesday, and it only costs .40 euros, so let loose with some coin and pick the thing up. It has listings of absolutely everything going on in the city during the week—from movies, theater, and opera, to museum hours and special exhibits, to nightclub scenes, to massage parlors, to you name it. So get it. Just go to a kiosk (the one below is on the boulevard St. Michel) and ask for "unh periscope" (get it?).

Kiosk

Getting into the city from the airport

Taxis from any of the airports are always available, of course, but be forewarned: they’re rather expensive (50–60 euros from CDG at rush hour) and not much faster than the methods described below—in fact, if you’re traveling at rush hour, taxis will definitely be significantly slower than public transportation. Paris rush hour traffic going into the city is absolutely crazy, and it will be bumper to bumper the whole way, with an occasional parking lot situation. Basically, if you're arriving in Paris on a weekday morning, I strongly advise you to take the RER. (However, if you travel with a great deal of luggage, this might not be the best option for you, and if you have a difficult time with steps this might not be your best bet, either.)

From Charles De Gaulle (Roissy):

Follow the signs (you'll see little train station logos) or ask directions for the RER (Réseau express régional), which is a sort of commuter railroad that runs into and through Paris like spokes on a w RER heel. (Actually, there's a good chance you'll have to ask directions, since the RER is uncharacteristically not terribly well marked in the airport.) When you get to the RER station, go to the ticket machines and punch the button for 2nd class to Paris. If you can’t get the machines to work—and if you're trying to use an American credit card in the automated ticket machine, it probably won't work—you can simply stand in the short line at the ticket window, say "un billet pour Paris, s’il vous plaît" [unh beeyay poor Paree seel voo play], pony up 8.50 €, and you’re set: Look for the signs that say RER, and head over to the turnstiles; stick the ticket in the slot, and you’re in. One very important thing to keep in mind: after you put your ticket through the turnstile, hold on to it: you will need it to exit! You will also need it for the rare circumstance of having a conductor ask to see it. All the trains leaving from here go to Paris (and they even say so for disbelieving tourists), so you can’t go wrong—just get on when the train arrives. Once you get into Paris, the RER connects directly to the métro, so you can simply change trains and go directly to your destination without even buying another ticket (although you will have to put the same ticket you used at the airport through the turnstile again, whether it's to exit the RER or to transfer to the metro). You can click here for a mini lesson on how to use the metro. You will find the metro very easy to use, and there are signs everywhere, and if you aren’t sure where to go, you can ask someone and they’ll explain to you how to do it (really).

If you’re travelling at rush hour, taxis will definitely be significantly slower than public transportation.

Helmut reminds me that you can also take the RoissyBus, which is run by the RATP (it stands for "Régie Autonome des Transports Parisiens, and it's the Paris transportation network). It will take you from the airport to the Opéra, and from there you can grab other forms of public transportation anywhere. It's cheap (9.10 euros) and reasonably fast, depending on traffic (figure at least an hour). The last bus from the airport into the city is 11:00 pm; the first bus in the morning from Paris to the airport is at 5:45 am. Check out the complete information here.

A word about CDG (Charles de Gaulle airport): it's insane. You won't notice too much on arrival, apart from a general sense of frenzy, but departure is stressful and sometimes challenging. Every time I pass through CDG I get the impression that the events that happen thousands of times a day at a busy airport—such as checking in or showing your passport—are surprizing and even overwhelming to the airport personnel, who often gather and speak to each another in hushed and concerned tones. It's not reassuring, because you always get the sense that something's afoot or somehow strangely irregular. It's not, really, and everything always works, but the tone of the place is really unfortunate. Regardless, remember that you will have to pass through no fewer than 3 lines before you depart: your airline's check-in line, the passport control line, and the security line. This all takes time, so give yourself at least two and a half hours before your scheduled departure.

From Orly:

From Orly you're going to want to take RER line C from the Port de Rungis, and there's a little shuttle (navette) that will take you from the airport to the station. This should cost about 6.20 euros. You can also take the Air France bus, which will dump you off either at Montparnasse or Invalides (7.50 euros); or the Orlybus, which is run by the RATP, I think, and that'll take you to the Denfer-Rochereau metro/RER station. It runs between 6:00 am and 11:00pm, and costs 7.20 euros. It will take you to Denfert-Rochereau, Châtelet, and/or the Gare du Nord. More info here.

I have to point out here, however, one of the perversities of the French way of viewing things. You will find, if you happen to land at CDG, that there are occasions when you have to take a shuttle bus between terminals. Now, pay close attention: if you were in charge of labeling the shuttles, and there was a terminal 1 and a terminal 2, and you were going to label the shuttles "1" and "2," which shuttle ("1" or "2") would go to terminal 1? Now, think hard before you answer this: which bus do you think actually goes to terminal 1? Not sure? Well, just make sure you ask, no matter how impolite the shuttle bus driver appears, before you get on... Stunningly, however, most of these guys are pretty easy going, even with the ten thousand frazzled tourists they must see every day.

From Beauvais:

Ted points out that "If you should happen to fly RyanAir into Paris you'll be in Beauvais, which is nearly 80 km/50 mi outside the city. Best/cheapest way is the bus. It's cheaper than a cab!" You can't beat the 15 euro price. Info in English can be found here. You can find a map here. Ted says you can also take the Blue Van, which is in the airport. "A bit more than the bus, but door to door service. My daughter used it stateside and swears by it, and sometimes at it."

Knowing where you are

Write down the name and address of your hotel and keep it with you at all times.

This will sound so obvious you'll think I'm crazy for putting it here, but let me tell you a little story and then you decide. Quite some time back I was walking home with a friend and it was very late at night—on the order of 2:30 am or so. We came across two young American women who were sobbing. We asked them what was wrong, and they said they didn't know where their hotel was. OK, no problem, we thought, what's the address? "We don't know!" they sobbed. "What's the name of it?" The sobbing increased. They were so excited about being in Paris that they dumped their bags in their room and bolted out the door, into the night, and out into the city without the first idea where they were staying—they didn't even have their passports with them. After a lot of quizzing about what was in the vicinity of their hotel (a big arch, but not the Arc de Triomphe), we hailed a cab for them and directed the driver to what we figured was the appropriate neighborhood. I have no idea what ever happened to them.

The moral of this little cautionary tale? Write down the name and address of your hotel and keep it with you at all times!!